Black and White
by theangel1710
Summary: "I love you, Santana. More than I thought I could ever love anyone. More than anyone can ever love anybody."


**BLACK AND WHITE**

**ONE.**

Alex is seven when he finally asks the question to Santana. She's in the living room waiting for Brittany and Iris to come home and for Quinn to swing by when her son comes down from his room and snuggles close to Santana.

"Mami?"

"Yes, baby?"

"How'd you meet Mommy?" Santana's eyes light up almost immediately and she fights tooth and nail to keep her expression calm. Because, damn it, she does not have a script written in her head. Instead she pulls her son closer to her until his head is resting on her chest. The dark-haired boy automatically closes his eyes as soon as he's settled.

"I was having a really bad day when I met her."

Santana lost three patients in fifteen hours on the day they met. Two strangers and one who mattered to her more than it should. She shouldn't have been a stranger to death because it's part of her job. But on that day, it didn't seem to matter because the one patient that she was able to save didn't deserve to live. It reminded her of the irony of life: bad things happen to good people.

/

She was sitting on the sidewalk in front of her house when Brittany found her.

Actually she stumbled on her. Literally.

She knew she was making the already small sidewalk smaller when she sat down. The house just seemed to be too big right now and Santana knew she was going to end up in a heap of tears the moment she enters it. So she settled for the sidewalk. She had been sitting there for more than an hour when suddenly, someone kicked her ribs.

"_Fucking shit_." She hissed. Her hands flew to her side, cradling the pain.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The person was beside her after three seconds of shock. Something clattered behind Santana but she can't seem to notice anything besides the pain in her ribs. Unfamiliar but soft hands covered her own as if hoping the pain would magically go away. Another hand fumbled to her back uncertainly.

"What the hell. Watch where you're going, goddamn it!" She said. As soon as the words left her mouth, the warm and fumbling hands stilled. Santana cracked her eyes open and squinted. She saw pink lips first and she thought that this woman is ridiculously close. And then she saw freckles and blonde hair. And then…

Oh _shit_.

Pink lips formed a small, sad smile that looked too much like the smile one of the patients gave her before he died.

"I would love to. But…" The woman's gentle voice faded as she pulled away her hands. Santana wanted to punch herself in the face over and over again. "I'm, uhm, _blind_."

She should have stopped her when she groped around for her cane. She should have stopped her when the most beautiful person she had ever met began to walk away from her. At the very least, she should have apologized for being a total jackass.

They met on one of the worst days of Santana's life. It was supposed to be nothing special. But it had also been the day Santana felt her cold heart beat fire through her veins.

/

"_That was mean." Blue eyes glared at her. Santana laughs kissing the boy on his forehead. Al has always been protective of the both them ever since some kid at school mocked him because he had two mommies. The kid went home with a bloody nose and Santana gave a piece of her mind to the principal when she learned that the kid didn't get any punishment. Brittany had been proud of the both of them for standing up for their family and after she gave them a lecture about it (which totally turned Santana on), she took them both out for ice cream._

"_I know, Al. And I'm still sorry I said what I said."_

"'_Ntil now?"_

"_Until now." Al seemingly satisfied, smiles at his Mami._

"_Did ya see her again?"_

/

It's been two weeks since that day. On every free time that Santana had and she was spending it at home, she would find herself looking outside. Maybe she wouldn't admit it but she's kind of hoping to see the blonde woman again. She's been trying to drown the nagging feeling that started when the woman walked away from her. It's guilt, she thinks. After all, what kind of a human being would she be if she didn't even feel bad?

She sighs. She drops the curtain that she's been holding aside for more than a couple of hours and makes a beeline to her bedroom. It's already past midnight and she needs to be in the hospital in seven hours. She drops on her bed, trying to ignore the cold feeling creeping into her. The bed really is too big for just one person. But it's the only comfort she has so she's going to have to take what she can.

She closes her eyes and falls asleep with the image of spacy blue eyes printed in her mind.

/

"You're kind of a bitch, you know that right?" Quinn tells her two days later. Santana cringes.

"Yeah well, you are too. Otherwise you wouldn't be sitting on a leather chair with your big ass desk and cutting every editor who's stupid enough to reject what you've written without even looking at it."

"At least I didn't tell a blind person to _watch_ it." Santana shoots her a glare. "Sorry."

They're in their regular café that they frequent every chance they can get. The guilt had been eating Santana and she really needed to tell someone before she decides to jump in front of a bus.

"What's with her anyway? Why's she different from everyone you've bitched out on?" Quinn asks before she shoves bacon in her mouth. Santana rolls her eyes.

"Hell if I know." Maybe it's because she was blind. Maybe it's because the way she smiled had been so sad and heart-wrenching. Or maybe it's because her heart had tried to get out of her rib cage when she looked at her. "This is stupid." She mutters.

"What is?" Santana decides to keep quiet. Instead she keeps her gaze steady on her coffee. Quinn is studying her closely. She notes her furrowed eyebrows and her mouth pressed into a thin line. There's definitely conflict but why? And then it clicks.

"You like her?" Santana's eyes snap to hers.

"That doesn't make sense." She deadpans. "We had like thirty seconds of interaction."

"I know. But for some reason you're conflicted. And let's face it Lopez. You're a Class A bitch. You don't just feel bad for anyone. I'm not even sure if _guilt _is in your vocabulary. So that makes this girl kind of _special_, don't you think?"

"Fuck, Q. I don't know. Maybe I'm just finally growing a heart or something."

"Exactly. Thirty seconds was all she needed to do this to you. Why?" Santana sighs.

"I don't know." Quinn chuckles.

"Well, that makes two of us and that definitely doesn't get us anywhere." Santana scowls at her before she runs a hand through her hair attempting to get rid of the nagging feeling and the frustrations in her head.

She tries to rid her mind of blonde hair and blue eyes by looking outside. She sees some people hurrying to get the work as they constantly check their expensive watches. There are some students on their skateboards rolling past the human traffic. She spies some sad faces and how they seem to just get lost in the crowd. Santana relates to them the most. She's done what they're doing more than a handful of times.

It feels freeing albeit a little lonelier. But it feels good to walk amidst people who have problems just like hers. It makes her feel better because at least she's not the only one who feels like she's carrying the world. But it gets lonely most of the time. It's funny, she thinks. It's one of those paradoxes the world gave humans. Because you're walking on a sidewalk full of people who wants the same thing as you do. And they're equally as lonely if not more. Briefly, she wonders what it's like to be blind. It must be lonelier, she supposes. Because then, you're completely and utterly alone in your world. You wouldn't have any idea how loneliness looks on a person's face. You wouldn't have any idea if the people you're walking with are as lonely as you are. You'd think you're the only one who's carrying the world. Santana cringes.

"Good morning, Brittany! The usual then?"

"Please and thank you, Sam." The voice pulls Santana out of her thoughts. In fact, all thoughts flew out the window.

"_Shit._" Quinn looks up from her meal, shooting her a confused look. But Santana is too busy trying to remember how to breathe and keep her eyes in their sockets to notice. She follows her gaze landing on the blonde in simple jeans, white t-shirt, and sneakers. The woman is holding a cane covered in duck stickers. Her face is donning an innocent smile and there's a hint of something in it that makes Quinn's chest tighten just a little bit. She immediately understands why Santana is acting the way she is.

"Seriously?" Quinn bursts out.

"Shhh!" Santana hushes her. Quinn looks at her eyes wide.

"Okay, _now_ I know what's got your panties in a twist. You _have_ to apologize." The brunette doesn't say anything. Instead she stands up from her seat and drags Quinn to the exit as fast as she can.

/

"_No! She was right there, Mami!" Al says, his eyes huge. Santana cringes._

/

"What the hell? She was right there!" Quinn says as she tries to keep up to Santana's strides. She doesn't stop. "S!" Santana stops abruptly and turns.

"Feel." She says as she grabs Quinn's hand and places it above her heart. She feels like she's on fire, like she's about to spontaneously combust. She watches the blonde's eyebrows furrow in wonder as she pulls her hand away.

"Jesus, San. You have to breathe." She grabs Santana's shoulders. "Calm down. Breathe. Before you die on me."

When Santana's lungs finally let her breathe and her heart is no longer trying to jump out of her, Quinn looks at her with a look that makes Santana scowl.

"Do you believe in soul mates, Lopez?"

"Fuck you, Fabray." Quinn sighs.

"You're a bitch _and_ an idiot and _goddamn_ lucky because I think you just met yours." Santana gives her a look that tells Quinn that she can't process what's happening or _how_ it happened.

"_God, _I know." Quinn gives her a sympathetic look.

_/_

_Al breaks into a huge smile scrambling up until he's in a sitting position, facing his mother. _

"_What's a soul mate?" Santana thinks about the question for a little while, unsure of how to phrase it so that it's simple enough for Al to understand. _

"_Your soul mate is a person especially made for you. Like how you eat oatmeal with cereal. When you meet that person, you feel complete. Whole. They change everything you've known for your whole life. For example, before your Mommy, I didn't think I'm a good person."_

"_You are." Al immediately says. Santana chuckles._

"_Thank you. But before her, I was a bad person who thought about no one else but herself. She changed that. She believed that I was good and I had no choice but to believe it too."_

"_So Aunt Q knew that Mommy's your soul mate?" Santana nods. "Aunt Q's awesome." She rolls her eyes._

"_Yes, she is. But don't tell her I told you that. It has to be our little secret okay little man?" Al nods enthusiastically._

"_So, so, so! I want to know mowr!" Santana laughs, ruffling his hair affectionately._

/

Santana finds herself in front of the café, hoping against hope that the woman, _Brittany_, will show up. She's been standing outside for more than an hour now and the wait is actually killing her. She's honestly about to give up when she finally catches a glimpse of familiar blonde hair. This time, Santana fights to maintain proper breathing. She watches as Brittany slowly walks past her, tapping the cement as she goes. She watches as Brittany stops a couple of feet from the glass door. She carefully lifts her cane, tapping the wall first until she reaches the glass. Santana watches a grin spread on her face and her heart stutters before it races.

Moving fast, she reaches for the door handle before Brittany can. She opens it for her.

"Here." Santana mutters quietly, afraid Brittany will recognize her voice. Brittany turns to the whisper and smiles gratefully at her. Santana's knees suddenly feel annoyingly weak. But she's smiling at her and it kind of makes her feel a lot better.

She lets Brittany walk in before she lets the door close. She watches through the glass as Brittany orders her hot chocolate, a smile playing on her lips.

Before she knows it, it becomes a routine.

For a week, Santana would always find herself looking forward to opening the door for Brittany. She knows it's kind of creepy. Okay, maybe a lot. But she couldn't seem to just open her mouth and apologize. Every time Brittany smiles at her and thanks her, Santana feels like she's doing something right for a change.

It's addicting.

Maybe it kind of scares Santana. But she finds herself more afraid that if she apologizes, it might all end. She might lose the ten-second moment she has every day with Brittany. It's become an obsession and really she should stop.

But on the eighth day, Santana's there again. She takes a moment to slap herself for how idiotic she's being before she leans on the wall beside the café, her hands stuffed in the pockets of her jeans. It's a Saturday and she's not sure if Brittany's going to show.

She does.

She comes with the smile that never fails to make Santana's heart ache in longing. She comes in her usual jeans and sneakers. The only thing that seems to change is her shirt because today she's wearing a well-loved unicorn shirt. Santana chuckles quietly before moving to open the door for her. She doesn't say anything. She never does. But Brittany seems to know she's the same person since day one and that's okay for her.

"Thank you, stranger." The blonde says. Santana's kind of glad she can't see her flush pink. She waits for her to go inside but for some reason, Brittany's still there. Her face is turned to her direction but Santana can see through her sunglasses that her eyes are missing her. She feels the familiar ache in her chest.

And Brittany's still there.

"Aren't you uhm, going inside?" Santana as quietly as she can.

"You know you can just apologize, right?" Her heart stops beating altogether.

"Wh-What?" She stutters out. Brittany finds her hand on the door and holds it in her own until Santana lets go of the cool metal, letting the door close.

"We've met. You were on the sidewalk and I stumbled on you because I wasn't expecting anyone to be there." Santana stares at her, incredulous.

"Are you sure you're blind?" _Shit_. That wasn't what she was going to say at all. "Sorry." But surprisingly, Brittany chuckles.

"Everybody smells like something. I recognized your scent on the first day you opened the door for me." Of fucking course_._ _Now_, Santana feels like a creep. "It's really kind of awesome. I can be a Golden Retriever because I have a super good nose!" It's a clear attempt to break the ice but Santana is too embarrassed to process her effort.

"I'm sorry. I'm just gonna go away now." Santana wishes for the ground to open up and swallow her. She tries to pull away her hand but Brittany doesn't let go.

"It's okay, silly. You're just gonna have to make it up to me." Okay, _what?_ "Will you come inside with me? I'd really like to have a cup of hot chocolate and I'm getting tired of enjoying it alone."

Santana thinks she might have actually swallowed her tongue. She feels Brittany squeeze her hand as if she knows that Santana's internally freaking out.

"What's your name, stranger?" Brittany smiles softly at her. Santana thinks it might have been a little lonely too.

"Santana." Her voice seems to comfort Brittany because her grip on Santana's hand softens. "And you're Brittany." _Oh great_. Why, _oh why_ can't she just keep her mouth shut? She cringes at just how creepy she sounds.

"And I'm Brittany. So Santana, what do you say? Care to have a cup of hot chocolate with me?"

It might have been because of how Brittany said her name, like she's been saying it her whole life. Or it might have been the way their hands fit so perfectly. Whatever the reason is, at least this time, Santana has enough brain cells to squeeze Brittany's hand and say yes.

/

Al is staring at her, smiling so huge, not caring one bit about the fact that he's missing a tooth. But before he can say anything, the doorbell rang and both of them shoots up. They reach the door in time to see it open and reveal Brittany.

"Mommy!" Al wraps himself around Brittany's leg. The blonde lifts the boy so he can wrap his arms around her neck instead.

"Hey, Al."

"Hi, baby." Santana greets Brittany before pecking her lips. Brittany smiles, blushing like a teenager.

"Hi, S."

"Mami!" This time, 4-year old Iris wraps herself around Santana's leg. Santana bends down to pick up the blonde little girl who has her eyes.

"And hello to you, my pretty princess." She lets Iris press a wet kiss to her cheek. She doesn't stop the huge, sappy smile from taking over her face and ignores the way Quinn is smirking at her.

"Q."

"S." When they're finally settled inside with Quinn watching the cartoons with the kids under each arm, Santana gives Brittany a proper kiss in their bedroom, because since _when_ was a peck on the lips ever enough for them?

"You know, Al asked _the_ question today." Brittany chuckles, knowing full well that Santana had been looking forward to this day since forever.

"Did you have fun telling him how I kicked you in the ribs?"

"He glared at me when I told him what I told you." Brittany laughs.

"He's your son alright."

"Our son, B. _Our_." Brittany smiles, letting Santana pull her into a hug. The blonde nods, melting into her embrace.

Over dinner, the three adults and the two kids laugh at random jokes. Santana thinks it's perfect and that she wouldn't trade any of it for the world. When Quinn catches her sappy smile, she doesn't say anything. But she does get the look that tells her that Quinn's really proud of her right now.

"So, Q. When are you and Berry going to give Al and Iris a cousin?" Said blonde promptly chokes and spits out her juice.

"You're cleaning that." Brittany says, giggling. Before Quinn can say anything, Al and Iris are already pestering her about it, not giving a care in the world about the fact that Quinn's front is drenched and she's blushing furiously. She glares at Santana before trying to pacify the youngsters explaining exactly how soon is well, "soon."

* * *

**TWO.**

"Yo, Lopez Jr.!" 16-year old Al scowls as he makes his way over.

"Hey, Uncle Puck." Puck claps him in the back a couple of times before turning his attention back to his football game. It's Thanksgiving and the Pierce-Lopez household is full of people. Al sees his sister with Quinn and Rachel, the latter busy staring adoringly at the blonde who seems to be playing house with Iris and his 9-year old cousin, Annie Berry-Fabray. Finn is at the corner of the backyard, trying to explain making barbeque to Kurt while Blaine entertains their 7-year old twin boys in a game of Vampirate. The grandmas and grandpas are busy reminiscing (some crying) their younger days. Brittany and Santana are nowhere to be found. Al cringes.

"What's up, kiddo?"

"Nothing much." He shrugs just in case. But Puck could always see through him and as his uncle steadily stares at him, he can't help the blush that won't seem to stay hidden.

"She pretty?" Puck asks, smirking.

"Hot."

"Smart?"

"Straight A's."

"Bitch?"

"Can't hurt a fly." Puck lets out a loud laugh, making Al flush darker.

"You ask her out yet?" Al shakes his head. "What's keeping you? She's like your third girl or something. I swear, there's no doubt you're Santana's kid alright."

"She's different." Puck raises an eyebrow, silently telling him to go on. "She's kind of my best friend. And she's had her hurt broken by some jock who tried to take advantage of her. If I ask her out, what if I hurt her, you know?" Puck smacks him in the head.

"Ask her out already! You're gonna hurt her at some point, kid. Nobody's perfect. But you're also going to make her happy because you're going to love her. And I think that's what your chick wants." Puck rolls his eyes. "You know, you're Mami had a similar problem with your Mom."

"Really?"

"Yeah, Q and I had to get some sense into her."

/

"Just ask her out already!" Quinn says, exasperated. Santana runs a hand through her face, frustrated. She chugs her beer trying to ignore the blonde rolling her eyes at her.

"Look, Q, it's complicated."

"No, it's not! You're the only one who's making it all difficult. You like her and she seems to like you too. You have breakfast with her every single day for four months now. You're closer to her than you are to me even after our fourteen _years _of friendship. The only thing you're actually going to do is eat dinner with her! What's so complicated about that?" Quinn throws her head back, downing a shot.

"It just is, okay?" The brunette sighs. They're at their favorite bar, owned by one of their high school friends so they actually get free drinks when he's feeling nice.

"I'm gonna side with Q here, San." Santana shoots a glare at Puck, the owner and their bartender for the night.

"Fuck off, Puckerman."

"Aw come on, Lopez. What's the problem? Why won't you just ask her out?"

"I've messed up my life so much that some of the mistakes I've made are irreparable. She deserves so much better than me. I'm a walking train wreck. My shit is already too much for me to carry. What kind of a person will I be if I drag her into it? I can't stomach that. She's… Brittany's everything I can't have." Puck smacks his forehead. Quinn smacks her head. "Ow, what the fuck Q?"

"Brittany deserves what she wants, Santana. And you know that because I'm pretty sure that if she asks for the moon, you'd do everything to give it to her. And for God's sake, everybody makes mistakes! Get over your self-pity and do yourself a favor. You deserve what you want too, you know." Quinn pauses to sigh dramatically. "I'm only going to say this once, San. You're not a bad person. You were never a bad person."

"Even when I beheaded all your Barbie dolls?" Quinn chuckles. Santana cracks a small, uncertain smile.

"Even then."

/

"_San was never a fan of sappy talks. But it didn't matter because she got the point." Al laughs, wishing he had been there to witness it. And then he settles into a small smile because he knows that even then, Santana wanted what was best for Brittany. _

"_I'm lucky, Uncle Puck. The kids I'm with at school have divorced parents. Some of 'em never met a parent. But I have two moms who look at each other with the love other people die without having."_

"_Believe me, I know." Puck says._

"_And people give me shit because I have _two_ moms!" Al shakes his head. He will never understand the world._

"_But you don't give a fuck what they say. Ever. You prove to them that your family is a real family. You're the man in this family, Al. You protect your own."_

"_Mami told me the same thing." _

"_Well, duh, she's Lopez after all." _

/

They're at Santana's house when she finally gets the courage to ask her out.

The Lady and the Tramp is playing on Santana's enormous flat screen TV. She's watching it. Brittany's listening to it. Apparently, Brittany loves all the Disney movies even though she can't see them. She loves singing along and memorizing the lines so much that Brittany can recite the entire script of every Disney movie.

They're on her couch. She's pressed to one side of the couch, her legs tucked to her chest. Brittany is pressed on her side her head resting on Santana's shoulder. The brunette had quickly learned that Brittany's not shy with touching people and she found that that she didn't care when Brittany wordlessly presses herself to her. _Bella Notte_ is playing in the background and Santana watches Brittany's hum the tune.

_God_, she's so beautiful.

"B?"

"Hmmm?" She hums, too content to say anything. She presses herself more prompting Santana to rearrange her position so she can wrap an arm on the blonde's shoulder instead. Her warmth is intoxicating and comforting that she sighs. Brittany smiles softly and that's how Santana knows she's as content as she is.

"Will you go on a date with me?" Santana says before she can think about it. She watches a look of shock pass on Brittany's face along with other emotions. She pulls her head away from Santana's shoulder and the brunette finds herself missing the warmth.

"What?" Brittany chokes out. Santana gulps. She cups the blonde's face gently. She leans in until her lips are beside Brittany's ear.

"Will you, please, go on a date with me?" She whispers. Brittany shivers under her touch.

Santana expected a "no". But she hoped for a "yes". So the tears that followed her question are completely unexpected.

"B? Britt? What's wrong?" She had never seen Brittany in tears. She had always been all smiles and rainbows. Santana pulls away from Brittany to look into blue, lifeless eyes that are desperately trying to find the exact source of her voice. She gives up a few seconds later, opting instead to close her eyes.

"Brittany. Talk to me. Please" Santana pleads. But Brittany shakes her head and continues to sob. She throws her whole body to Santana, sobbing into her chest. The brunette wraps her arms around her without hesitation, whispering words of comfort.

A few minutes later, Brittany's sobs turn into quiet sniffles but Santana doesn't let go. Instead she pulls her closer.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… It's okay if you don't want to go on a date with me. I'm sorry." Santana whispers, guilt lacing her voice. Brittany pulls away from Santana and this time, the brunette lets her even if it broke her heart to do so. But the blonde is back on her again before she can finish that thought, her head tucked to the crook of Santana's neck.

"Please don't be sorry. I should be the one apologizing for freaking you out like that. I'm just…" She exhales, trying to figure out the words. "It's the first time anyone's ever asked me that. I never… I never thought someone would want to go on a date with a blind person like me. But then you did and it… It felt so good. It felt like I exist, you know? It felt like I can _see_." Brittany says, her voice breaking. She feels Santana shift and place a kiss on her forehead.

"You are so beautiful. Some people are just idiots to not see that. _They_ should be blind since they're not using their eyes properly anyway." A hand combs through her hair and it's _almost_ enough to send Brittany in another fit of tears.

"Pick me up at eight on Wednesday?" Brittany says, her lips formed in a watery smile. Santana thinks she's never seen anyone look so beautiful.

"Gladly."

/

"_Hello, Alex. Puck. What are you boys talking about?" Kurt says as we walks over to them, apparently giving up on learning how to make barbeque. "I do not get the concept of making barbeque when you can just go out and get take out. I'm leaving barbeque to Blaine." He dramatically rolls his eyes._

"_Hey, Uncle Kurt. We were talking about my parents' first date." Kurt's pout suddenly drops into a huge smile. He shoots up to sit straighter._

"_I have literally never seen anyone so gorgeous as the both of them. And it's not even about the clothes, my goodness, your moms can pull anything on and make it look good. I knew in that moment, when I saw them together, that they are so going to end up together."_

"_Anyone with eyes knew." Puck says._

"_Hush, Puckerman, it's my turn." Al stifles a laugh._

/

Santana might have set a record at the hospital for the fastest surgery done. Frankly, she couldn't care less. She had two hours to prepare and get to Brittany's apartment. Thankfully she's an expert in making herself hot in less than an hour. Being a doctor and having friends as party addicts is finally paying off. In an hour and a half, she's already dressed in a black dress that stops just above her knees. She puts on light make up and lets her hair down for a change. She wears her favorite red heels.

She is greeted by one of Brittany's roommates, Kurt. Santana would have been jealous if it weren't for the fact that everything about him screams gay.

"You must be Santana. Brittany won't shut up about you." Kurt gives her a wink before he kisses both her cheeks. She flushes, unused to affection. He's already taking her hand and leading her to the living room where he instructs her to sit. He's practically bouncing on his feet and Santana finds herself just as excited.

"You are going to _swoon_ when you see her. You look gorgeous by the way. Your heels are so perfect for your dress." Santana gives him her patented smirk.

"Thank you." Kurt claps his hands.

"I can see why Brittany likes you." For a moment, his face turns serious. "Take care of her you hear me? Or else I'm going to send my boyfriend Blaine to kick your ass." Santana chuckles lightly.

"Of course." Kurt eyes her until he's satisfied with what he's seeing.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to fetch you're lovely muse." He dashes off leaving Santana to twiddle with her fingers self-consciously. She's never been this nervous for a first date. She's been on more dates that she cares to admit but her palms are clammy and she can't seem to sit still. Her stomach is doing little flips and for a second she doubts herself. Just for a second. Because before she can carry the thought further, she's thinking about nothing at all except for the fact that she needs to send a silent thank you to the Up There for letting Brittany stumble on her.

Brittany is stunning. And to say that stunning doesn't really cover it is an understatement. She wearing a blue dress and it stops right above her knees just like Santana's. She's wearing white flats. Her hair is up in a messy bun and Santana thinks she might die. She can't seem to register the fact that Kurt is looking smugly at her.

"_God_, Britt." She says as soon as she's in front of her. Brittany smiles bashfully, her cheeks coloring a lively shade of pink. Santana takes her sunglasses away from her to reveal her eyes. She pushes a pang of sadness down because tonight is all about happiness.

"Do I look okay?"

"Okay? B, you look hot!" Brittany smiles happily. She squeezes Santana's hands before she lifts them to find the brunette's face. She runs her hand over Santana's eyes as they close. She so used to this now that her hands find themselves comfortable on the blonde's hips as Brittany greets her in the only way she knew how. Fingers poke her cheeks playfully and Santana giggles. She shivers when Brittany traces her lips, she sighs in content when deft hands comb through her hair.

"She's wearing a black dress and red heels, B. Light make up." Kurt helps her and Brittany breaks into this heartbreaking smile. "And if I may say, she's drop-dead gorgeous."

"She is." Brittany says sounding so sure that Santana forgets her nerves.

"Okay you lovebirds, shoo. You don't have all night." Brittany laughs.

It sounds perfect.

She finds out a lot of things about Brittany over dinner. She loves ducks because of the hilarious sounds they make. And because it's her first ever pet. She owns an overweight cat named Lord Tubbington who Kurt hates. Santana learns that Brittany _loves_ to dance and a friend of hers had let her teach it at a studio near her apartment. Mike, the friend, was also the one who discovered Brittany's innate ability to dance. She hates any kind of creepy crawlies because they well, give her the creeps. She doesn't hate them enough to kill them though, that's Kurt's job. Santana learns that she's an only child and that her dad disappeared when she was thirteen.

They're out on a walk when Brittany learns that Santana can't live without coffee. She learns that she can't stand horror movies because they were never good enough to scare her but she adores gory movies. She giggles at that. Santana has two older brothers who were totally cool with her being gay. Her mom needed a couple of years to accept her. Her dad had told her right after she came out that she'll always be her little girl no matter who she loves.

They're slow dancing in the middle of the park and under the stars when Brittany says it.

"B? Are you okay?" Santana asks with concern when Brittany pulls her in, her head resting on Santana's. She doesn't say anything at first as she guides them into a graceful circle. Santana sees a smile before the blonde makes her twirl. She falls back into Brittany's waiting arms, smiling and blushing. Brittany cups her face using her other hand to push her sunglasses up to reveal her eyes.

"Britt?" Santana voices out her confusion. But Brittany shushes her as she cradles Santana's face in both hands. Santana can see her eyes squinting.

"Did you know that I don't actually live in complete darkness? I have Leber Congenital Amaurosis. I was born with it." Santana had guessed as much. She nods hesitantly not sure to where this is going. "I can make out shapes sometimes because they're not as dark as the others. Sometimes I see light too. I used to see more but then my doctor says that the cells will eventually die and I'll live in complete darkness." She pauses. She tries to focus, squinting hard into the darkness trying to at least make out the edges of Santana's face.

"I've never wished for something so hard in my life like I do now." She takes a deep breath and exhales with the smile Santana only sees her wear whenever she's trying not to hurt. "I wish… I wish I can see you, San. Even if it's just for ten seconds."

/

Kurt finishes the story told to him by Brittany right after the date. He wipes a few tears as he chuckles when he sees that Puck and Al are trying not to cry. Al forgets the reason why they were talking about it and later when it's his turn to say his thanks he says:

"I'm thankful for being a part of this family. I'm thankful that Mom met Mami when she did. I'm thankful for having parents who undoubtedly love each other. I'm thankful for a lot of things actually, but most of all, I'm thankful that Mami got the guts to ask Mom out to a date."

Santana cries. Later she blames it on the single glass of wine she had but when she hugs Alex a little longer before bed, he knows that she'll love him no matter what.

* * *

**THREE.**

The first time Santana _really_ kisses her, feelings and all, it's just after Brittany's class, a couple of weeks after their date. Santana's been there long enough to watch Brittany demonstrate the moves as she leaves the instructions to Mike. She's in sweatpants and a hoodie. Her heart has been pounding since the music started because Brittany just took her breath away. Mike sees Santana in the middle of the performance and he smiles at her. Santana smiles back before turning to Brittany once again.

She watches her get lost in the music as if the music is a part of her, as if it's flowing through her veins. She watches every move, trying to print this moment in her mind because it's beautiful, so beautiful that she forgets that Brittany can't see. The thought of how life can be so unfair sometimes makes her chest ache as she claps along with the children with pride and love, _love_, when Brittany ends with a graceful bow. She waits until the room has cleared before she makes her way to Brittany.

The blonde turns to her direction, hearing her footfalls. Brittany's so in tune to Santana that she recognizes her footsteps. She feels gentle hands pulling her up and she smiles because it's definitely Santana. She knows because she'd memorized every line, every rough patch of her hand.

"Hey, S." She manages to get out before she's answered by lips pressing against her own and this time, Santana manages to steal _her_ breath away. The brunette pulls away so she can wrap her arms around Brittany's neck to pull her closer before kissing her again. This time, the blonde has enough sense to wrap her arms around Santana's waist and kiss her back.

It feels like this: She can _feel _the colors she's never seen before.

When Santana pressed her lips to hers, Brittany feels yellow: happy and alive. It's the pleasure of discovering something new – something she's been looking for her whole life. It's the joy of finally, _finally_, finding it.

When Santana wraps her in her arms, it's when Brittany decides that she loves blue too. It feels like contentment, like safety, and very much like she's coming home. It's gentleness and tenderness.

But when Brittany gave Santana the permission to get to know her better, when Santana's tongue meets hers, it's fire. _Red_. She can feel the brunette communicating her passion with every stroke and she can do nothing but meet her halfway. It's Santana's color, she decides. It feels like an overflow of emotion but warm at the same time, like Santana's offering her heart to her to do with it whatever she wanted.

Brittany feels green when Santana pulls away, allowing the both of them to breathe, to appreciate the moment. She feels like she had been breathing the wrong kind of air until this moment. She's inhaling everything _Santana_ and it's so pure that it's almost enough to make her eyes water in joy because it's so new yet so familiar at the same time – like she was born for this: for loving her.

"I think…" Santana whispers to her ear, her arms pulling her closer, physics be damned. "I think I've fallen in love with you." Brittany pulls away from Santana's shoulder to rest her forehead against hers. She knows she's smiling like a smitten fool and frankly she doesn't really care because she feels purple. She feels special because she thinks that she's the only one who can get Santana's heart to race and her stomach to do backflips. She feels honored when she tells her that she is.

She takes Santana's hand and places it against her wildly beating heart.

"Did you know that heart attacks are from loving too much?" Santana's own heart flips and races. "I'm having one right now and it's because of you."

She whispers a proper 'I love you' to Santana a few kisses later and when it sounds a little broken, Santana understands, saying nothing as she pulls her close. And _God_, Brittany prays hard and true for her to be allowed to keep this moment in her heart forever.

/

Some people close their eyes when they kiss because it's normal or because they'd like to focus entirely on the feel of their beloved trying to connect to them on one single point. Some close their eyes because it would have been awkward to watch your partner scrunch up their eyebrows in concentration.

Brittany closes her eyes because she can't help it. The feeling from the first time Santana kissed her has always been the same. She had expected it to fade, to just get used to it. But every single day, it's the same if not more. Every single time she feels Santana gather her in her arms and press a soft kiss on to her lips, it's always a firework, a masterpiece. It's hope and home, love and _Santana_.

Alex and Iris never called them out. They never told their parents it was gross. Because it wasn't. Because they know, like everyone does, that it's wonderful and always will be.

* * *

**FOUR.**

Santana nearly dies of a heart attack when she discovers a condom in her 17-year old son's wallet.

Later that night, she waits on their front porch for Alex and Iris to come home. Finally, when she sees her son's car park, she stand up, her arms are crossed against her chest, her face unreadable. As Iris follows her brother, she eyes her mother wearily, knowing that look all too well.

"Uh-oh. What did you _do_?" She asks his brother who pales when Santana uncrosses her arms to show him his wallet.

"So _that's_ what I've been missing." Al says, chuckling nervously. He pales even further when Santana's face doesn't change.

"Mami?" Iris asks, her brown eyes expressing the confusion she feels. Santana shakes her head but motions for them to get inside where Brittany is napping on the couch. The brunette makes purposeful strides over to her wife and bends down to whisper something the siblings can't hear. But their Mom sits up sleepily and they take this as their cue to sit down on the couch across their parents.

Iris does her best to decipher her Mami's expression. She gives up on that a few seconds later and instead raises an eyebrow in true Lopez fashion when she notices that her brother is fidgeting on his seat.

"Okay." Santana's soft but commanding voice instantly gets the attention of her son and daughter. "I don't want to hear a word from the both of you unless I ask you a question. No groaning, no protesting, no whispering. This is hard enough as it is and I was _really_ hoping not to have this talk with you guys until you're _at least 30._" She waits for her son and daughter to nod. Brittany takes her wife's hand in hers, trying not to giggle at the obvious distress in Santana's voice. Santana notices.

"_B._" Brittany fights to keep a straight face. Santana turns to face an uncomfortable Alex and a confused Iris.

"I found a condom in Alex's wallet. Therefore, we are having the sex talk." The reactions she gets are instant. Iris whacks her brother at the back of his head as hard as he can. Alex doesn't even have the moment to groan in embarrassment before he grabs said pillow and uses it to cover his red face and to avoid his sister's glare.

"Now I know you guys are teenagers and that you have uncontrollable urges and hormones…"

"_Mom_…" Iris pleads with Brittany, unable to take any of it. But Santana holds her hand up, effectively silencing everyone. She racks her brain, trying to find a way to proceed to this without sounding like the way her mom sounded when _she_ was given the sex talk.

"Al? Baby?" Alex grudgingly removes the pillow, revealing his still red face. "Why did you have a condom in your wallet?" He stares intently at his feet, his mouth glued shut. Santana sighs. "Come on, _mijo_. I know you're embarrassed. But I'm not mad. I just want to know." The boy looks at his Mami and Santana wonders how time had flown by so fast.

"Uncle Puck gave it to me." He mumbles. Santana stiffens. It takes a couple of tense minutes before she can fully process this new information.

"I am going to _murder_ him."

"Please don't." Iris says almost immediately. Brittany lets out a small giggle.

"Don't worry, 'Ris, Mami's not going to do such thing." Brittany says.

"I won't kill him. But I _am_ going to stab him."

"No you won't." Santana takes one look at Brittany and her anger disappears.

"_Fine_. But that doesn't mean I'm not giving you the sex talk right now." Iris facepalms. "Both of you know what sex is right?" They nod. "And you know the consequences of it? And what happens when you get someone pregnant or get pregnant before you are ready?" They nod again. "I don't want you both to ever have sex." Santana says bluntly.

"We kinda have to _do_ _it_, if you want to have grandkids, Ma." Al says. Iris nods in agreement.

"Actually, I don't want you both to think of grandkids at this age. Think of them when you're 40."

"San, I want grandkids." Brittany says. "But I don't want you both to have sex either."

"We want you to _make love_." Santana says, making all protests disappear. They sit dumbfounded. "You might be eager to lose your virginity right now because it makes you popular and powerful at school. Believe me, I know all about that bullshit. But I need you both to understand that your virginity is _special_. It's almost sacred. I need you to know because at your age, nobody told me that and I wish someone had. I lost my virginity when I was thirteen at a party that I wasn't supposed to be. And I regret it even to this day." Iris' face falls.

"Ma…" Al says, looking just as sad.

"I don't want that for the both of you. But I can't really do anything about it after this talk. So I'm doing this for you guys just as much as I'm doing this for myself." She pauses, taking a deep breath the way she does and when she's nervous and scared that she might not get the point across. "When you have your first time, make love. Sure it may look like sex in the eyes of the people around you but you and your partner are the only ones who will know exactly why you're doing it."

"I lost my virginity to your Mami. And I have never regretted it and I never will." Brittany says. Iris and Alex sees the joy in their mother's face and they smile slightly. They look at each other the way they always do when they both feel proud of their parents.

"Making love is different. It sounds cheesy and corny, I know. But making love is the best feeling you're going to have in the world. Because it takes two to accomplish it. Honestly, I don't care when you both lose yours. I just care that you won't ever have to regret losing it. Do you understand? Al? Baby girl?" Santana says. They nod.

"I cried after I lost it." Brittany says. "Not because I felt bad for losing it or because it hurt. I cried because I didn't see her. I didn't see any of the magic we made. But I _knew_ it was magic because it _felt_ like magic. It made me sad that I didn't see any of it but now, it makes me feel super happy because even though it happened the way it did, I have no doubt that it was amazing. Making love is like that. You just _know_ that everything is right and in that moment, nothing could go wrong."

"Come here." Santana says. Iris is immediately under her one arm. Alex snuggles against Brittany's side, not at all ashamed about the fact that he's not acting like a man. Santana feels pride that she was able to raise emotionally healthy children.

"I'm still mad at you." Iris tells her brother. He smirks at her. She smirks back.

Santana sighs with relief and definitely content, the memory of that special night that was the first of many more taking over her mind.

/

"Are you sure?" Santana pants out when she feels Brittany trail a path of kisses down her neck. The blonde doesn't answer. Instead she pushes her down to Santana's bed as gently as she can.

"Brittany…" It turns into a moan halfway through but she really needs to know. She reaches out, gently pulling Brittany's lips away from where they had been trying to taste every part of Santana's neck she can reach. Santana presses her forehead against hers, both panting, both on fire. "Are you absolutely sure?" She asks once again, her voice shaking as she fights for control.

"I've never been surer about anything in my life before." Brittany whispers, her heart pounding. Santana crashes their lips in a passionate kiss. When Brittany pushes deeper opening her mouth to meet her halfway, Santana's hold on her shoulders tightens. When Brittany straddles her lap, trying to get closer, Santana's nails run down her back.

"Can I?" Brittany asks, desperately tugging on Santana's shirt. The brunette guides Brittany's hands upward, taking the hint. Their lips meet again this time in a slow and languid kiss full of reassurance and love. Brittany whimpers into her mouth as Santana begins to pull away so she can get Brittany's shirt out of the way. Brittany takes this as an opportunity as she brings her mouth back to her neck. She tugs on her earlobe before she licks down to Santana's pulse point.

"_God, B." _Santana gasps, craning her head to allow Brittany more access. Brittany continues her soft assault until she feels her writhing under her. She reaches around to unclasp Santana's bra, smiling when she practically wriggles out of it. There's an ache in Brittany's chest and she tries to ignore it. She focuses on Santana's labored breathing instead.

Brittany takes a deep breath to calm herself. She finds her way back to Santana's waiting lips, pressing a soft kiss.

"Hi." She whispers bashfully. Her heart leaps when Santana chuckles.

"Hey." She answers. Brittany tugs her up to a sitting position. She raises her hands, silently asking for permission. Santana smiles, her heart melting. She places Brittany's hands to her cheeks.

Brittany smiles lovingly before she moves. She traces Santana's eyebrows before carefully caressing Santana's eyelids. She places a kiss on Santana nose, melting when the brunette laughs breathlessly. She finds her lips and traces them with her thumb. She feels Santana shiver as she moves down to her neck. She pauses when she feels Santana's pulse points, letting a warm feeling spread from her fingers down to the tips of her toes. She moves sideward, kissing Santana's shoulder before she lets her hands memorize every crevice, every mole, every rough patch of her skin. She reaches her fingers and she fills the gap. She marvels at how perfectly it seems to fit. She places a kiss on Santana's palm before doing the same thing to her other arm.

She finds her way to back to Santana's shoulders so she can push her gently back down to the bed. Santana willingly follows as she fights tooth and nail to keep her control. Brittany needs to do this.

"It's okay." She whispers to Brittany when the blonde stops just above her breasts. She watches as a lovely shade of pink spreads in her cheeks.

"I love you." Brittany says, clearly and with conviction that Santana is left to doubt nothing about it. Words fail her before she can get them out because Brittany's cupping her breasts and placing a kiss in between them. She manages to gasp and arch into her hands. She combs her fingers into Brittany's hair needing something to hold on to when a tongue licks its way up to meet her _there._

"_Jesus Christ._" Her eyes roll to the back of her head when Brittany bites her nipple tenderly as her other hand kneads her other breast.

"Baby, I want to see you." Santana says huskily. Brittany complies, detaching herself from her chest so the brunette can unclasp her bra. Warm hands cup her immediately after and Brittany can't help but whimper. She crashes her lips to Santana's, kissing her with renewed vigor as her hands run to her abdomen causing Santana to moan into her mouth. Brittany lets her dingers dip into the waistband of Santana's shorts. By the time she tugs on it lightly, the brunette is already squirming unable to take anymore waiting. Santana lifts her hips almost immediately to allow her to pull her shorts and panties down.

Brittany feels more than she hears Santana's gasp when the cold air hit her heated center. Desire makes her shiver in anticipation as she runs her fingers almost reverently from Santana's cheeks down to her thighs. The brunette's breathing become more labored as Brittany nears where she needs her most.

"Please." Santana begs as she wraps her arms around Brittany's neck. The blonde complies, running her finger to part wet folds. Santana arches immediately, pressing their bare chests together.

"_San_…" She groans. "You are so beautiful." She says it in a way that Santana almost forgets that Brittany is blind. "So, so beautiful." The ache in her chest intensifies as she kisses Santana with all her love.

"I love you." Santana whispers to her as if it's the only truth she knows as Brittany enters her. They both gasp at the feeling.

Brittany makes love to her as if she's on a mission: a mission to find the other half of her soul. She makes love to her like she's been doing it all her life. She finds that Santana is truly hers. When she curls her fingers, the brunette gasps. When she finds the swollen bundle of nerves, she can feel Santana try to stop herself from screaming. Brittany makes love to her like she's worshipping Santana's body.

The blonde finds the spot on Santana's neck that never fails to make her gasp as her thumb brushes a hardened nipple. She drives deeper and deeper into Santana with every push. It doesn't take much longer before she feels her tighten around her fingers. She presses her forehead against Santana's.

"Tell me."

"I… _God_… I love you!" Santana manages to moan out before Brittany enters her one last time and she shatters into a million pieces. She chants her name over and over again as Brittany helps her come down from her high.

"You're amazing, you know that?" Santana tells her after she finally catches her breath. She pushes herself to kiss Brittany in a way that left her breathless, her toes curling pleasure. "Let me love you, B." Brittany was barely able to nod before Santana transforms in a whirlwind of hands and heated kisses.

Brittany finds that she doesn't have to think about what she's going to do. Her body responds to Santana's every movement like she knows what Santana needs her to do. And it's in that moment that she _knows_ with her heart and soul that she belongs to her.

Santana takes her virginity as gently as she can. It hurts and she's not used to the feeling yet but Santana's there to kiss away her pain and soon, she's shaking and suddenly she feels like heaven is in her reach.

She cries when they've both finally settled down, her head on Santana's chest.

"B?" Santana panics when she feels the first of Brittany's tears. "Are you okay?" Brittany wraps an arm around Santana's waist.

"Slightly better than okay." She says with a watery giggle.

"Then why the tears?" Santana asks softly as she pulls her in closer. "Do you… Do you regret it?"

"No! No… t's not like that. Tonight just has to be the best night of my entire life." She pauses in the way Santana knows she's trying to gather her thoughts. "I just… I wish I can see you." Brittany whispers almost like she doesn't want Santana to hear but she does and she feels her own heart break. It's the second time she tells her this and it doesn't make it any less painful for the both of them.

"You do see me, B. Better than anyone ever will."

"It's just…" Brittany is at a loss for words but it doesn't matter because Santana gets it because she presses a kiss on her forehead, wiping away her tears as she does so.

Santana doesn't say the words because she doesn't need to. Instead she threads her fingers with Brittany's and just _loves_ her in that moment. And that's all the comfort Brittany ever really needed.

/

When Alex loses his virginity at 19, Santana only has one question for him. But it was Iris who voiced it out for her.

"Do you regret it?" The smile on his face had been an answer in itself.

* * *

**FIVE.**

Santana makes an important decision one morning when she wakes up encased in Brittany's arms.

"I'm going to donate the money." She tells Quinn when they meet for breakfast at their usual café.

"Huh?" She raises an eyebrow silently asking her to explain.

"You know the money I've been saving since like _high school_?"

"Yeah…" Quinn had been there through every job that Santana got just so she can add something to her funds. On some occasions like when it's her birthday, she'd give her money to add to it. Santana would always smile gratefully to her every time she does so and Quinn would always feel insanely proud of herself and Santana. The brunette never really knew what she was saving for but now it made sense.

"I'm using it to help fund the LCA study." The blonde's still lost.

"LCA. Leber Congenital Amaurosis. Brittany." Finally, she sees realization dawn on her face. She smirks as she watches Quinn's jaw drop. "Q, you have bacon in your mouth. Mind closing it?" But she continues to stare at her shell-shocked.

Quinn knew right from the first time she saw Brittany that she's going to change Santana's life. But when she met Brittany properly a few months before, she _knew_ like she knows her own palm that the bubbly blonde is tied at the heart to Santana.

"S…"

"What?" The brunette frowns slightly at her. But then Quinn breaks out into a huge grin as tears well up in her eyes and it makes Santana feel so good about herself.

"I didn't even know you were capable of thinking like that let alone feel it and actually decide to do it." The blonde says, teasing but her shining eyes give her away and that's how Santana knows that Quinn kind of adores her right now.

It's a struggle but Quinn manages to get Santana to let her donate some of her own money saying: "S, I'm your best friend. And as your best friend it's my job to help you get to your dreams. And she's part of it. Brittany's a really big part of it. Let me give you my money. I have too much anyway. I'm like sleeping on a bed of dollars after my book rocketed to the best-sellers list." Santana slapped her arm but it had been worth it.

Kurt and Blaine and even Puck chips in too and altogether they were able to raise enough money to get them an appointment with the head. The middle-aged man, Dr. Robert, looked a lot older when he greets them. Santana sympathizes perfectly. So much that she sees a spark of hope in the way he shook her hand after learning their reasons. Santana walks away feeling proud of Brittany because she has officially become an inspiration even to people she doesn't know.

Santana doesn't tell Brittany. She doesn't want to raise her hopes up. But on that night, she whispers "I love you" over and over again until morning came and Brittany whispered the words right back to her.

* * *

**SIX.**

Santana,

Good morning, baby. I'm sorry you had to wake up without me. You're probably a grumpy panda right now because you're cold and instead of finding me in the kitchen, you found Kurt. I hope he gave you coffee like I told him to. But most of all, I hope he gave you this letter because this is my heart and soul and both belongs to you. I know you're wondering how I was able to write a letter. Quinn was happy to help me. Apparently, she's a secret sap. (I'm not! – Q) You know that I'm not good with words and sometimes I forget what I was supposed to say. Often it's because of you after all, you take my breath away. But I need to tell you everything I'm about to because it's important and I want you to have this moment to remember for the rest of your life.

You changed my life, love. I don't think you'll ever know just how much but it's okay because what matters is you did. I believed in rainbows and unicorns and pots of gold and Santa when we met. I still do. But back then, I also believed that I'm going to die alone because who could ever love a blind person like me? I can't watch movies with you and laugh at their silly faces. I can't make you feel special on a date because I can't look at you like you're the only person in the world who matters. I can't watch you sleep and make you blush when you finally wake up and realize that I've been watching you like a creep. I can't watch the sunset with you and tell you it's beautiful while I look at you. I can't do a lot of things because I can't see. I've pretty much accepted the fact that nobody will love me. But you proved me wrong.

You took me out on many dates. You held my hand when we're out on walks. You danced with me. You kiss me good morning and good night. You pull me close when I cry. You made love to me. You tell me you love me every day. You taught me hope and love and _life._ You did so many things for me but I hope I can do this one thing for you.

I love you, Santana. More than I thought I could ever love anyone. More than anyone can ever love anybody.

I lived in a world of black and white until you came and changed everything. I felt colors, S. _Colors_. I felt alive. I felt like I exist, like I matter. I didn't choose to be blind. But if I were given a choice in another lifetime, I'd choose to be blind over and over again if it meant that I'll have you. Because falling in love with you is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Did you know? Falling in love is scary. Because while you'd like to have the person you're in love with to be with you forever, you learn to let go. Sure, you learn about pain and hopelessness and failing and disappointment. But I've known those before I met you. Letting go is different. If it meant that you'd be happier without me, I'll let you go. It'll hurt and I'll cry. But I knew that if your happiness meant sacrificing mine, then so be it. That's how much I love you and always will no matter what you choose today.

I know now that if people were to ask me what love is, I'll think of you because you taught me how to love and how it feels to be loved in return. If they ask me what of hope, I'll answer them with your name because I know now that there are people like you in the world – people who can love even someone as hopeless as me. If they ask me of fate, I'll think of when I met you because out of the hundreds of people who could've been at that sidewalk, out of the thousands who could've opened the door for me, out of the millions who could've found me when I was lost and broken and _alone_, you did. If they ask me about dreams and wishes and shooting stars, I'll show them the velvet box I have been carrying around in my pocket for almost a month now and tell them that I'm working on it.

Do you understand what I'm trying to say, my love? I wished for someone to love me. I got you and you're _way_ more than I wished for. But now I dream of waking up next to you every day for the rest of my life. I dream of holding your hand and waiting for you at the altar. I dream of saying "I do." I dream of kissing you in front of all our friends and family. But most of all, I dream of spending the rest of my life trying my very hardest to give you the life you deserve. _You_ are my dream now.

So now I'm at our café, waiting for you. I wanted you to read this without pressure and I bet that if I was there, you'd be as nervous as I am. I want you to have this moment to hear without me saying it, just how much I love you. Because words will never be enough. Can you see now? Can you feel it?

This is me asking, pleading, _begging_ you to accept my heart, my soul, my life.

So when you're ready, come find me? I'll wait forever if I have to.

Yours until the end and beyond,

Brittany

/

When Iris asks Santana when she knew that she and Brittany were meant to be together, she gives her this letter, yellow and old and slightly crumpled. She waits for her to finish reading and when she does, she sees the question in her eyes. Santana launches into the continuation of the story and she tells her how she dashed out of her house completely forgetting about Kurt and the fact that she was wearing a tank top and sweatpants. Her eyes sparkle when she gets to the part when she sees Brittany waiting and how when the blonde finally recognizes her, she knelt in front of Santana. Her voice cracks with emotion when she reiterates what Brittany told her that day so many years ago.

"I love you, Santana Lopez. And if you'd do me the honor, I'd like to spend the rest of my life proving it to you. Will you marry me?"

She tells her how she said "yes" and how Brittany's hand shook as she put the ring on her finger. She tells her about how Quinn _cried_, how Rachel squealed, how Puck whooped and hollered, and how Kurt had already been planning their wedding.

Iris listens intently. She cries mostly because she can still see the love in her mother's eyes even after all this time. She cries because it's beautiful.

* * *

**SEVEN.**

Santana gets the call she doesn't know she's been waiting for at 3:14am on a Sunday. Alex is almost, their 3-year old son, was just about to fall asleep after he and Santana dealt with the nightmares. In the end, they ended up on either side of Brittany who had slept through the commotion. She was so close to falling back asleep when her phone started to ring.

"Hello?" She snaps after she was able to locate her phone. "This better be goddamn good because I haven't slept a complete eight hours for the last two years and I want to _at least_ get some sleep before – …"

"Ms. Lopez." Santana's eyes narrow. _No one_ interrupts her.

"_Listen here_ you –…"

"We did it." The glee in the man's voice made her stop. She _knows_ that voice form somewhere.

"Did what?"

"On behalf of everyone who participated in this study, we would like to express our gratitude to you for funding our project and cause for five years." Santana's heart stopped. "Mrs. Pierce-Lopez, we would be _more than happy_ to give sight to your wife. Free of charge. All hospital bills from the surgery and even to the checkups will be paid for by our organization. We have all unanimously decided to shoulder this the way you have given your financial and emotional support to us. After all, you and your friends helped make all of this happen." Santana can't think.

"What?" The man on the end of the line sounded like he's laughing through tears.

"We can make your wife _see_." After a few more seconds of shock, Santana's eyes prickle with happy tears. She shoots up pressing the phone to her ear.

"You better not be joking with me because I _will_ break every bone in your body." It's an empty threat and the man, Dr. Robert, knows it having dealt with her for years.

"I can assure you that this is not a prank call." A choked sob makes its way out of her.

"LCA can be _cured_? My wife… _Brittany can see_?" She looks at Brittany who's looking at her direction, perplexed and not fully understanding what's happening.

"San…?" She voices her question quietly. Santana reaches for her hand.

"Without a doubt." Dr. Robert replies, understanding the disbelief because he felt it himself when everything finally worked out.

"Thank you. _God_, thank you." Santana says, not bothering to hide the quake in her voice. Brittany starts to look alarmed. She squeezes Santana's hand.

"Thank _you_, Santana. Call me when you've decided. We're ready when she is." The call ends and Santana tosses her phone not really caring about anything but the family she has on her bed right now. She crawls to Brittany, her heart exploding with happiness.

"B… _B…_ Britt-Britt." She whispers, tears pouring.

"San? What's wrong? What's happening? Who was that on the phone? Are you okay? Are you crying?" Her hands find Santana's neck and she pulls her toward her. Santana buries her head to blonde hair.

"Baby, you're going to see." Santana says.

"Mami? Why you crying?" Alex says from Brittany's other side. Santana pulls away from Brittany's embrace to look at her son.

"Mijo, your Mommy's going to _see_."

"Santana, what are you talking about? I can't see. I'll never be able to." The brunette doesn't miss the unmistakable sadness in her voice and that spurs her to explain everything to Brittany. She tells her all about how she decided to fund the project and how Quinn, Puck, Kurt, Blaine and eventually, Rachel chipped in from time to time. She explains how she visits the place at least once every couple of months to check up on their progress. It takes almost an hour before everything is clear to Brittany and to Alex. It takes a second before the blonde pulls Santana and Alex against her, crying silently, a smile on her face.

"I'm scared."

"Me too, Mommy. But if you get the sur-ser-seg…"

"Surgery, Al." Santana helps.

"That. I can show you the paintings I made durin' school!" Brittany kisses the bridge of his nose. "You missed, Mommy. My nose is right here." He guides Brittany's face to his nose and this makes the blonde cry even more. She squeezes Santana.

"I _can't wait_ to see you both."

It takes them an entire week to schedule and put everything in order. Alex is going to go to school and will be staying with Quinn and Rachel until Brittany can come home. Santana has already made calls and the hospital let her take a month leave. Mike was all too happy to give Brittany all the time she needs.

"I'll see you when you come out?" Santana says, her hand gripping Brittany's who is being wheeled to the OR. Her hand is clammy and the brunette knows it's not fear of knives or being cut open. It's fear of being disappointed. But Brittany powers through it and she smiles, her eyes closed as she squeezes her wife's hand.

"_I'll_ see you."

"I love you. No matter what. Don't forget that."

"Never."

/

The first thing Brittany notices when she wakes up is, it's _dark_. There are no blotches of white and everything is too black. This makes her heart clench.

"San…" She tries to say. It comes out more of a whisper because her throat is too dry. The black is scaring her and she feels _too_ alone. "S-Santana." She says. She hears rustling and the second thing she notices is there's a warm hand gripping her own.

"Brittany. Hey." She hears Santana say. Brittany opens her mouth to ask what's happening but nothing comes out. "Water?" She nods. She feels the hand pull away and _no_, that can't happen.

"Don't." She croaks. "Dark." She grips the brunette's hand with everything she has.

"Okay. Okay. I'm not going anywhere." There's rustling again and something scraping at the table beside Brittany. She feels something poke her lips. "Here, baby. Sip. Slowly." Brittany obeys. The cool water brings instant relief to her throat and she drains the cup down to the last drop.

"It's dark, S. Everything is black." Brittany tries to hide the crack in her voice. "It didn't work?" But Santana is quick to respond. She squeezes the blonde's hand and Brittany feels a kiss on her lips, gentle and comforting.

"We're not sure yet. We have to wait until your eyes are ready. We have to wait for another day before they can take off the bandages. And then we'll know." _Oh. Bandages._ Brittany feels a flutter of hope in her chest. She smiles. It's a little scared and broken but at the same time it's a bit hopeful too.

"I love you."

"I love you too. Sleep, B. I'll be here when you wake up."

So she does.

/

The second time Brittany wakes up, she doesn't feel panicked anymore. She hears Santana talking to someone somewhere near her and this comforts her.

"We're waiting for her to wake up."

"And then Doc will remove the bandages?" She hears another voice ask. _Quinn_.

"Yes."

"What if it didn't work? What if it made it worse?"

"Rach."

"If it didn't work, then I'll still love her Berry. It won't change a thing."

"Mami? She's going to wake up soon right?" _Alex_.

"Soon, little man. We have to be patient and wait for her until she's ready."

"Okay."

They all fall into silence. Brittany doesn't say anything. She takes a few calming breaths. She calms down her racing heart. She pushes back the fear. She focuses on hope. Whatever happens, they will love her just like they did before any of this. Whatever happens, she's going to have them and she's not going to be alone. She takes a deep breath.

"Santana?" She's beside her in an instant, her hand engulfing hers and that's how Brittany knows that nothing can go wrong.

"Good morning. Quinn, Rachel, and Alex are here. Kurt and Blaine will be visiting tomorrow. Puck's at the cafeteria getting all of us something to eat. How are you feeling?"

"Scared. But it's okay. I have you, right?" Santana kisses her nose.

"Always."

"Then I'm ready."

True to her word, Santana doesn't leave Brittany's side. When the doctor strides in with a cheerful greeting, Brittany is able to draw strength from the fact that her wife is by her side right now just like how she will be no matter what. The brunette helps Brittany to a proper seating position so the doctor can remove the bandages.

"Okay, Brittany. Whenever you're ready. The light will shock you so blink a few times until you get used to it. After that everything should be blurry. And then we wait and see if you can see how many fingers I'm holding up."

"Doc?"

"Call me Robert."

"Robert? Can it be Santana instead of your fingers? No offense. I'm sure you have pretty doctor fingers but I kind of want to see, if ever I'm going to see, my doctor wife first." She hears him chuckle gently.

"Of course."

"Thank you." Brittany's heart is pounding and she wonders if the entire room can hear it cause chaos in her chest. She feels cold with fear of disappointment but at the same time the thought of _finally_ seeing Santana and Alex and everyone else gives her a rush of excitement. "I'm ready."

"On my count then. One. Two." Santana squeezes her hand. "Three."

Slowly, she pries her eyes open. It takes a couple of seconds before she registers the fact that there's more white than black. She closes it again, waiting for the throbbing caused by the light to fade.

"Come on, B." Brittany nods in response to Quinn who's somewhere to her left. She tries again.

This time, everything is white. She blinks. There, a lot less whiter. When she blinks again, everything is blurry or at least she guesses that this is how blurry would look like. The hand in hers twitches. Her head moves toward where her hand should be encased in Santana's. The room is deadly quiet as everyone waits with baited breath, including Brittany.

It takes a couple tense minutes but _there it is_. Tears well up in her eyes when she sees the tan hand in hers and she takes a deep breath. From the hand, she looks up.

A girl with dark hair and tan skin is looking right back at her. Her eyes are expressive and it shows the clear worry and hope and excitement in them. Her cheeks _must _be edible she thinks and her lips must be so kissable. Brittany can't help it. A sob escapes her and the smile breaks free. She lets go of the hand in hers and she holds her palms out. Automatically, Santana leans forward until Brittany is cupping both her cheeks. She waits patiently as the blonde goes through every line on her face as if it's the first time she's doing it. Santana closes her eyes when Brittany combs her hair. When she hears a sigh, her heart stops.

"You are _so_ beautiful." The girl smiles widely and there are tears in her eyes too. "Hi, I'm Brittany. And you must be Santana." Santana nods and before she can think of what she's doing, she crashes into Brittany, crying tears of joy against her neck.

"I can see, San. _I can see_." Her voice is laced with disbelief and shock. Santana nods against her.

"Oh my God." A small brunette says, her hand clutching a blonde's. The blonde is smiling so widely and so happily, Brittany can't help but mirror it back. Santana pulls back and Brittany's gaze fall back on her.

"Damn, I'm lucky." Brittany says. Santana chuckles.

"I'm luckier." When Brittany pulls her in and her lips land right on hers without fail, Santana's heart explodes because _finally_. Everyone claps and there's a lot of sniffling but Brittany can't find the time to care because Santana, beautiful, tan, dark-haired, Santana is in her arms.

"God, I love you." Brittany whispers to her when they pull apart for air. There's a tug on her hospital gown breaking her intense gaze on Santana. She looks down and is met by a small boy with dark hair and skin like Santana's.

"_Alex._" She whispers, almost reverent. The boy smiles hesitantly.

"Mommy, can you see me now?" Brittany cries. She drops down to her son's level. She reaches up to kiss his nose. She smiles when familiar small hands cup her face the way they do when Alex expects her to miss. "You didn't miss!"

"Yes, I didn't, Al. I can see you." She hugs him close, crying silently, happily, reverently. Santana wraps her arms around her wife and son and she wonders if anyone can rival the happiness she's feeling right now. She's lost between crying and laughing but when Brittany wipes her tears and looks at her – _looks _– she settles on smiling as wide as she can.

They spend the next couple of hours getting acquainted.

"Rach, you're small. Like, I knew I was taller than you but right now, you look so _small_." Rachel doesn't even say anything and Brittany understands that words aren't enough for Rachel to express what she's feeling.

"Your eyes are pretty, Q. Stop crying because I bet they're prettier when they aren't red and swollen and teary." When Quinn cries _more_, she understands that too.

"I don't understand your hair. But it's cool but really it's weird. I mean, it felt weird but now that I'm seeing it, it just got weirder." Puck holds out his fist and when Brittany bumps her own, he smirks but the softness in his eyes gives him away.

Brittany doesn't sleep that night. She spends it gazing and memorizing every detail of her family's faces. She takes them all in and that's how she knows that blind or not, the people with her right now and the people who are coming to see her are her family. And always will be.

The next morning she meets everyone else.

"Kurt, are you always _that_ shiny?"

"Nice eyebrows, Blaine."

"Mom." Her mom breaks down when she looks straight in her eyes and before she can greet her dad, he's already smiling at her like this is the happiest he's ever been.

Santana doesn't leave her side and it's her Brittany looks at ever chance she gets. When she looks at her, trying her hardest to express her love, Santana blushes and that's how she knows that she gets it. When she wakes up and finds the blonde gazing at her, she mutters "creep" with a smile. When she kisses her forehead first and then her cheeks and then finally her lips, Santana pulls her in and kisses her with passion.

There's so much more to be done, so much to learn, and a whole lot of things to worry about. But when Brittany_ looks_ at her, Santana knows that everything will be okay.

* * *

**EIGHT.**

Brittany dies in her sleep. Everyone she cared about was there to watch her go and the last thing she saw before she closed her eyes for forever was Santana. She went with the memory of brown eyes looking at her with as much love, if not more, as when she first saw them. She went on ahead knowing she wasn't alone and knowing that life, even if it has its blacks and whites, is the most colorful thing she has ever seen. She was 79. Santana loved her for 55 of it. She went knowing that Santana will love her still long after she dies.

Santana follows six years later. She dies of a heart attack and Brittany's name on her lips.

When Alex's youngest asks him what a heart attack is and sees that one of Iris' twins asks the same thing, they smile, sad and happy at the same time.

"It's from loving someone too much."

* * *

**A/N: So I had/have writer's block. And that's pretty much my explanation for the fact that I haven't updated _If I Knew Then_ in a long time. I'm sorry about that. I don't really know where this story came from. I was just typing random stuff and boom! This happened. Haha. **

**Anyway, hit the new (and improved?) review button and tell me what you think. Please and thank you!**

**-S**


End file.
